The Pastel Green Mask
by Alynos
Summary: Atoli was completely at ease with her place in The World, including her now close friendship with Haseo. When Haseo proposed to meet up offline, she should feel even happier, had it not reminded her of how devastatingly big the gap between her online and offline self was. Post-Redemption, HaseoxAtoli.
1. Long overdue questions

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**Chapter 1: Long overdue questions**

* * *

"So, Haseo. When will you finally tell Atoli how you feel about her?"

Haseo's eyes widened in surprise. "How I… w-what?" he uttered.

With a few offhand shots, Haseo finished the bug-like monster he'd been fighting. He then turned around, only to find Kuhn was still nonchalantly gunning through two left-over enemies himself. He even managed to do so with a straight face, as if he hadn't just confronted Haseo with a very personal question.

Haseo let out a controlled breath. He sheathed his guns in order to cross his arms. The monsters weren't that high level relatively to theirs, so Kuhn could handle a few on his own.

_His fault for saying something like that out of nowhere, anyway, _Haseo thought.

After the last monster dissolved into a puff of black smoke, rewarding them with a few meager coins, Haseo spoke up.

"What are you talking about?"

Kuhn casually hung his steam gun over his shoulder and turned around. He looked Haseo over with an unimpressed expression.

"Come on, Haseo. I think you know what I'm talking about." Kuhn winked. "I had to pry you away from her side just to finally have a good-old dungeon-roam with you!"

A heat rose in Haseo's cheeks, which he tried to hide by facing away from Kuhn.

"I'm telling you, I was just helping her get some items she needed for Moon Tree's guild shop!"

"As were you yesterday. And the day before that, although I'm pretty sure that mission wasn't so much about getting items. And I wonder what the two of you were up to last Sunday in that Lost Ground, when you—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Haseo cut him off, raising his hands in defeat. The fact that Kuhn had trouble getting a hold of him wasn't that surprising. Having to juggle his school, his part-time job, and his management of the ever-growing Canard didn't leave Haseo with much free time in The World at all.

That he often chose to spend those few free hours a day with Atoli… Well.

"So we hang out a lot. What's it to you?"

Kuhn squinted upwards at the sky, as if he was trying to recall something from a far edge of his mind.

"Well," he said, "for one, things at G.U. gets a whole lot more interesting with something to gossip about."

Haseo put a hand to his forehead and groaned. He had expected something a tad more serious for him to have thought about it for so long.

Project G.U. didn't truly exist anymore. CC Corp disbanded it two months ago, just after Cubia's downfall. With no more dangerous A.I.'s threatening to destroy The World, the project had lost its purpose. Yata and Pi were back to being regular system-administrators now, and Kuhn to being a regular player.

That was how things were officially, anyway; many of the Epitaph Users still hung around the Net Slum bridge in their spare time. Furthermore, Yata still acted as their authoritarian leader, bossing them around to investigate suspicious-looking occurrences in The World. With how much has stayed the same, it was no wonder Kuhn kept referring to them as 'G.U.'

_Whom did he gossip with there anyway? Was it Pi? _

Before Haseo could start laying down guesses and accusations, however, Kuhn continued.

"And of course I care for your happiness too! I mean, I haven't even made any moves on Atoli myself, doesn't that tell you anything?"

"You're unbelievable," Haseo muttered from behind his hand, although he said it with a hint of a smile on his face. For Kuhn, not flirting with every woman that walked into a twenty meter radius of him _was _an accomplishment, after all.

Kuhn laughed apologetically, took a breath, and then turned to Haseo again. This time his expression was more serious.

"What I was trying to say is… The two have been tiptoeing around each other for weeks now. Take this from me. If you don't tell her how you feel, you'll give her the impression that you're not interested in anything other than being friends!"

Haseo rubbed the side of his face. Kuhn had a point. With how much Atoli and him talked nowadays, it was a miracle they haven't discussed the subject yet. An honest talk about their feelings, a follow-up of what he said at the Hülle Granz Cathedral that day when he ran after her, that was.

_Though maybe it wasn't so much of a miracle and more of a conscious effort of avoidance, _Haseo thought.

At that point, Haseo threw any attempts at denial out of the window. If Kuhn was keen enough to notice something like _that_, it would be useless in the first place.

"I get where you're coming from," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's just that I… I'm not sure if I should tell her about how I… well you know."

Kuhn raised an eyebrow. "What are you worried of? That she will turn you down? It's not like there's a question that she likes you back, you know."

Haseo sighed. The thing was, he knew this. Hell, just about the whole World knew that Atoli had some sort of thing for the Terror of Death—why else would she have put up with his terrible temper for so long? And with the way he had treated her, too, as if she was some significantly more annoying replacement of Shino?

Nowadays things were better between them, of course, but even so. Atoli had forgiven him for his piss-poor treatment of her so easily. As if it never even bothered her at all. What if he walked over her all over again? She wouldn't even hate him for it.

Kuhn, noting Haseo's pained expression, softened his words. "Come on, buddy, don't be so down, it will be fine! It would make her happy, right?"

Haseo nodded absentmindedly. He stared past Kuhn, towards the point in the distance where the field's green hills separated themselves from the cloudless sky. It reminded him of how happy something as easily dismissed as the World's beauty could make Atoli. _If it's that easy to make her happy… I should be able to do the same, right?_

At the very least, putting this off because he didn't trust himself enough to be a nice person _certainly_ wasn't going to do them any good. Haseo took a deep breath.

"I've asked Atoli to help me raise some levels this evening. Goddamn game updates and their raised level caps." Haseo swallowed. "But, uh, yeah, I'll, see what I can manage." As he made this resolution to Kuhn—and therefore himself—his muscles relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from there.

Kuhn threw him an approving thumbs up. "Way to go, Haseo!" Then, his smile turned mischievous. "You know, if you dread asking her out so much, I could always give you some…" he lent down closer to Haseo and raised a cocky eyebrow, "useful tips."

"God no," Haseo answered, using his palm to push Kuhn's face away from his general proximity. He'd rather not know anything having to do with Kuhn's womanizing tendencies.

Then, because Haseo was actually thankful of Kuhn for talking to him about this, and because he was on his way to becoming a halfway-decent person, he turned around and said: "Thanks man," and held out his fist.

Kuhn fist-bumped him.

"Glad to help!" he said, and the two of them went back to finding and killing more hordes of monstrous-looking enemies.

* * *

When Haseo warped into _Σ Truthful Doomed Insomnia _that evening, Atoli was already there. She sat several steps from the platform with her knees tucked under her chin. Her attention was fixed on a small patch of white flowers in front of her, appreciating whatever it was she saw in them.

As much as he didn't understand her love for pre-programmed scenery, he found it somewhat cute that she continued to be so compelled by it. At least now he knew better than to blow up over something as silly as her enjoying herself.

The white flowers Atoli was admiring grew on almost the entire field. It left no doubt as to why she picked this field in the first place.

To her credit, it wasn't _just_ a pretty field. The monsters here were in their general level range—lower than Haseo's but higher than Atoli's— meaning they could level up somewhat effectively in here. Sometimes it surprised Haseo how well they managed to meet both their interests while playing together nowadays.

Atoli hadn't noticed him yet, so Haseo walked over to where she was sitting. Two steps before he reached her he stopped, and leaned down.

"Hey," he said.

Atoli jumped, startled by the sudden sound so close to her ears. When she turned around and spotted him, though, her eyes lit up immediately. Unlike him, she didn't go off about blind spots. Instead she stood up and closed the few steps that separated them to give him a quick hug around the neck.

"Haseo!" she shouted a bit too enthusiastically into his ear. "You surprised me, silly! Though I'm glad you're finally here!"

Despite the fact that that the hug was brief, and that she hugged him almost every time they met up in The World, his face warmed up significantly. _There goes another victory to the treacherous M2D heat-sensors, _Haseo thought, as he unconsciously patted the back of her shoulder.

It was only then that Haseo processed what she had been saying.

"Wait…" he said, raising an eyebrow. "Finally? I thought we agreed on 9 o' clock?" He checked the bottom right corner of his screen. The clock there showed a perfect 9:00 pm.

"No you're right!" Atoli said, stepping backwards, her voice slightly defensive. "But I finished my homework early today, so I logged in a while ago!"

They'd agreed on meeting up a bit later in the evening than normally so that they both could get some homework done. This school year, Haseo had promised himself—his parents, mostly— to put more effort into his school. More than last year, that was. Back then, at the height of his feverish search for Tri-Edge, his results were at an all-time low. Luckily, he was the kind of person who still passed his classes with minimal effort.

Atoli, however… wasn't among the lucky in that aspect.

"Finished early, eh? Tell me, what subject was it?" Haseo said, eying her suspiciously.

"Um… Math?" she said, smiling nervously.

Haseo sighed. "You just gave up on making it at all again, didn't you?"

"I… Well yes, I suppose I did," Atoli admitted.

"You know, you should really try harder if you want to keep up." Although Atoli evaded talking about it most of the time, she almost failed her classes last year, and the second year of high school wouldn't be any easier on her.

"I know that. There's just no use starting it if you have no idea what the questions even mean!"

"Alright, alright," he said, and sighed. Today was not a day he wanted to make fuss about something like this.

"At least tell me next time. I could have skipped mine and we would've been off earlier."

Atoli nodded her head slowly, as if she needed some time to take that reaction in.

"I will!" she said, perking up again ."More importantly, what was it you wanted to do today, Haseo?"

"Just raising some levels, I suppose," Haseo said. He purposefully didn't suggest inviting third party member, even if they would level more effectively that way.

Atoli, thankfully, didn't mention it either; instead she giggled. "Can't take it other players are surpassing your level, mister Terror-o-Death?"

Haseo grinned and held up his hands apologetically in response.

"Old habits die hard, I guess," he said.

Atoli smiled. She grabbed him by the arm and tugged him in the field's direction.

"Let's get going then!"

* * *

Haseo hadn't forgotten his promise to Kuhn from that afternoon. After considering and reconsidering, however, he realized how bad of a plan it was. It was lame to come back from his word, he knew, but asking a girl out in an online game must be at least as lame

So before coming here, instead of doing his homework—Atoli and him were birds of a feather on that department—he thought of something else. He would ask her to meet up offline. Then, face-to-face, he could tell her how he felt. Hopefully.

Meeting offline was something he had wanted to bring up for a while now, anyway. And this way, he could kill two birds with one stone.

Haseo trailed after Atoli as she led the way over to the first section of the field. Looking at the back of her PC, he wondered what the player behind it would be like.

_Was her voice really that high in real life? Would she actually be blond? Would I care it wasn't?_

He internally laughed at how ridiculous that notion even was. His hair certainly wasn't white in real life, neither were his eyes red. Obviously. This wasn't some kind of anime.

"Haseo! Watch out!" Atoli shrieked from his side. Still in thought, Haseo turned around only to be met with a rock-giant's fist to punch him backwards. His character landed a few feet back, a third of his HP gone.

The blue walls of the battle area came up around them. Atoli laughed and started casting healing spells on him. "You have to pay attention to where you're walking!" she said. "Or we'll have to fight on lower levels next time."

Haseo scrambled back up. He summoned his scythe just in time to block a second blow.

"Hell no! And you're the one distracting me!" he said. His eyes were on the enemy in front of him as he started a familiar pattern of hacking and slashing.

The healing stopped.

"I am… distracting you?" Atoli asked, a suspicious hint of amusement in her voice, and Haseo realized his slip-up.

"I- I mean, you were in front, shouldn't you be the one paying attention?" he defended himself.

Atoli giggled. "Whatever you say, Haseo!"

* * *

They reached the hill with the Beast Temple on top about an hour later. Since that signified the end of their adventure today, Haseo decided he had to act now.

Atoli stared at him wide-eyed for several shameless seconds when he proposed they'd sit here for a while instead of rushing towards the treasure right away, to the point Haseo had to assure her that he wasn't joking.

When she actually believed him her surprise turned into glee, as far as her cheerful smile would convey.

They settled down near the temple's entrance. They sat close together, their backs against the temple's wall. From their spot up this hill, they had a perfect overview of the endless field of flowers.

"I'm so glad you're with me here, Haseo!" Atoli said. "This place is wonderful in its own right…" She trailed off, taking in the field around them. She turned back to Haseo. "But being here wouldn't be as much fun without you!"

"I guess," Haseo said, "I certainly wouldn't be sitting here staring at computer-generated flowers if it wasn't for you." All the while he spoke his eyes didn't leave Atoli.

Atoli looked ready to scold him on his disregard for The World's beauty, expect she didn't, as the latter part of his sentence got through to her. Her face flushed red.

"I think… I think I'm fine with that." She looked at the field in front of her again, a shy smile on her face.

Haseo leaned an elbow onto one of his knee to have a better look at Atoli._ Alright. Stop flirting and ask her already, _he told himself. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself.

"Hey… I was thinking," he said. "Remember those emails we sent back and forwards a while ago? Like, before the whole network crisis?"

Atoli's expression turned thoughtful. "We sent a lot of emails back then, Haseo" she said, the corners of her mouth turned upwards at the memory. "Which ones do you mean?"

"The one where we discussed the possibility of meeting up offline."

"Oh," Atoli said, her voice somewhat unsure, the smile on her face disappearing.

"I know it's a while ago we discussed it," Haseo continued, not taking notice of her expression, too focused onto getting his story out. "And I'm not sure why we've never brought it up again since then. But I thought it would be fun to get to meet each other offline. I mean, it's not like we even live that far apart, right? I could show you around Tokyo, or I could come visit… whatever city you live in."

He didn't know where exactly she lived. Only that it was somewhere in the Chiba prefecture and somewhat close to Tokyo. She had never mentioned anything more specific.

"Anyway, you said you had to think about it back then," Haseo added. He got everything out without interruption, for which he was glad, but also a bit concerned, because Atoli wasn't normally that quiet.

"Um. That's right. I did say that," Atoli finally said. She looked down at her hands, which idly played with the many golden rings on her fingers.

"Well. Have you?"

Before this moment, Haseo hadn't realized he had expected a certain response from her. A very Atoli-like response, in which she would be all flustered and jumping over her words, but would come around with a happy exited demeanor once the message had sunk in.

Of course, one isn't aware of their expectations until they are broken.

Atoli reacted flustered, but not in her usual kind, more in the 'I don't want to be here' kind of embarrassment. She still didn't look him in the eye as she tried to make herself smaller than she was.

"I guess I…" Her voice trailed off.

Haseo frowned. "You what?" he said, a feeling that something wasn't right now definitely creeping up on him.

Abruptly, Atoli stood up, folding her hands in front of her chest defensively. She finally looked him in the eye.

"Why do you have to ask that now?" she shouted accusingly, talking fast. "I'm sorry Haseo. I don't know! I just… I don't know if I can!"

Haseo stood up as well.

"What are you even—" He caught himself mid-sentence. He was shouting, too, and Atoli had that look in her eyes like she expected him to become mad. Even holding herself in a defensive manner, hugging her arms, to add to the injury.

_Damn, _Haseo thought, _and here I thought we were through with that._ He wasn't mad, just confused.

"I mean," he corrected himself in a lower volume of voice, "What's wrong? Why are you—"

This time Atoli interrupted him. "I just remembered, I really should be studying right now. Like you said, there's so much to do if I ever want to keep up." Her voice had that shriek, high-pitched quality as she rushed through the words.

"I'm sorry!" She bowed as quickly as she'd been speaking. So hastily, in fact, that if this wasn't a gravity-defying video-game, her hat would have surely fallen off.

Her back wasn't even straightened out completely before the blue circles that indicated her logging out appeared around her. She was out before he could even see the expression on her face.

He was left standing alone on the top of a flowery field, next to the Beast Temple, which he had no desire to approach anymore. Above all, he was left in complete and utter confusion.

_Well shit, _was his first coherent thought, followed immediately by, _Where did that go so wrong?_


	2. The mirror shows not

**A/N: **Trigger warning: Mention of past self-harm

**Chapter 2: The mirror shows not**

* * *

A girl paced through her room, the smooth dark hair that reached all the way down to her lower back swaying behind her. With her amber eyes, she searched the white shelves above her head.

Chigusa Kusaka was a 16-year-old high school sophomore. Coincidently, she was the player behind the in-World character 'Atoli.' At this moment, however, she was occupied with matters in the real world.

She owned three Java sparrows, two which had already been persuaded to go back into their cages after playtime. The third one, however…

"Come on, Bun, hide and seek is over!" she yelled.

The rhythmic clicking of claws alerted Chigusa of her bird's whereabouts. The little devil had, predictably, picked the highest possible shelve to hide on. Chigusa climbed on top of her desk chair to improve her view. A trail of mild destruction (toppled trinkets, plushies with parts nibbled off) led her further to where the runaway sparrow was hiding. That was, behind a stack of magazines, looking at her with big, innocent eyes.

Chigusa wouldn't be fooled by _that_ look again. Before Bun could fly off, Chigusa made a grab for him. "Got you!" she shouted, once she had successfully seized him gently in her hands. What she didn't succeed in, however, was keeping her balance. Chigusa shrieked as the chair rolled away from under her, sending her flying forward.

"Ouch, ouch…." Chigusa uttered from on the floor. Her shoulder hurt. She slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. She had managed to grab the side of her desk before the impact, both spinning her to her side and breaking most of the fall.

_Well, _she thought sub-optimistically, _better having a bruised shoulder than falling flat on my face._

Birds, unlike her, had an amazing sense of balance. Her eyes glided towards where her sparrow had apparently managed to hold onto her hand by etching his little claws around her finger. Bun fluttered his wings, positively annoyed from the rough handling, but seemed otherwise unhurt.

Chigusa let out a relieved sigh. She shushed him softly and took him into her hands again so she could finally put him back in his cage.

That turned out to be a good call, for Bun would have been startled into flying flat against the window from what followed next. That was, the loud bang of the door being thrown open.

"Chigusa!" her mother called from the doorway, looking down at where Chigusa still sat on the carpet floor. "What happened?

Chigusa straightened her back, holding Bun closer. "Uhm.. Well, I was playing with Bun and... I fell." her voice trailed off at the end, before she managed to pick it up again. "I'm alright though!"

Her mother quickly composed herself back into her usual self, any hint of concern that could have shown on her face disappearing. She let out a disapproving sigh, the kind that said 'This is another instance in a string of disappointments but I, unlike you, am able to restrain my impulses.' "Can't you be more careful?" she chided. "Think of the neighbors! If you keep making noise like that, soon they will be knocking down the door and then your father and I are the ones who'll have to apologize to them."

Then, before Chigusa could have gotten a line in, her mother slammed the door shut. Chigusa didn't mind; rather yet, she was glad her mother didn't wait for a response. She knew she was clumsy, and loud, and not as well-mannered or respectful as her parents expected from her. There wasn't really anything to discuss on the topic that she didn't already know.

Chigusa stood up and let Bun back into his cage with the other sparrows, silently apologizing for all the startling he'd been getting today. She scratched the side of his head affectionately before she closed the cage. At least he'd already forgiven her, judging from the way he chirped affirmatively and pressed his head against her thumb.

Besides the commotion from a second ago, it wasn't like her birds could complain. In fact, they must be having the time of their lives today. They'd been allowed to fly around her room for an hour, which was a rare occurrence. Chigusa didn't usually have enough time to clean up the mess they made during those flights.

Today was different. After Chigusa carried out said clean-up, the clock in the corner of her room showed it was still only 11 a.m. _Did mornings usually last this long?_

With her eyes Chigusa scanned the freshly cleaned room: a bed covered in many pillows, a closet with clothes hanging from the outside handles, several bookshelves primarily filled with things other than books... Altogether it was a blur of bright colors, from greens to yellows to pinks. Despite this, the room managed to appear gloomy, thanks to the gray curtains that filtered the morning light into dull colors.

In the end, her eyes were inevitably drawn to the white desk that filled a quarter of the room. That's where she would usually sit by now, on her computer, playing The World.

Evading The World turned out to be difficult when one usually played The World to evade everything else.

Chigusa sighed as she sat down in front of the desk. It wasn't that she planned to stay away from The World for long. She just couldn't think of what to say to Haseo. He might be angry with her. And even if he wasn't, when she logged in, he would have questions. Ones she didn't necessarily have the answers to.

Last night had turned into such a fiasco. If only she hadn't reacted the way she had, panicking and then running with no explanation given. And the evening had started off so well, too! Haseo hadn't seemed too annoyed with her for her rambling, had even complimented her…

She had initially even felt excited that he wanted to meet her offline. It was flattering. Furthermore, the way he had asked it, it had reminded her of how he'd talked to her that one day in Hülle Granz Cathedral, how happy he had made her feel then.

If only she could have stopped her mind for worrying to the point of panic, perhaps she could've felt that happy right now. For what it was worth, that day two months ago hadn't seemed like it would be a good one either.

* * *

_"__Well, goodbye, and good luck!"_

_Atoli had ran out of the cathedral, feeling Haseo and Shino's stares boring holes into her back. She hadn't meant to run, really, but couldn't stop herself, for trying to hold her voice steady had already required all of her self-control._

_The sight of the two of them, standing there in front of the altar, had made her stomach twist, even though deep down she knew it shouldn't have. Neither should her heart have ached physically, or should her mind have pulled a blank, leaving her to stumble for words. If anything, she should be happy for Haseo. Happy that, after trying for so long, he had finally cured Shino. Saving Shino from that coma had been what he fought for, what had fuelled his endless determination to defeat AIDA and Cubia. Haseo had fought for Shino's sake from day one, before Atoli had even stepped into his life, before anything between them could have meant anything. _

_Atoli knew she would be fine, given some time. In the past she might not have been, but nowadays she was a stronger person, able to stand on her own two legs. Never again would she be completely dependent on another person._

_She and Haseo could probably even stay friends, and that was nice, too. What it came down to was that she shouldn't have harbored the unrealistic hopes that there could've been something else between them, something special. Not when she had been aware that sooner or later, Shino would be back._

_It just hurt to see the evidence._

_So when she slowly made her way to the platform on the other end of the gloomy bridge, and she heard Haseo's voice call out her name, Atoli was almost sure she imagined it. In the belief that she didn't have to put 'schizophrenic hallucinations' on the long list of things that were wrong with her, she looked back anyway. _

_It really was Haseo. He approached her at a jogging pace, having just rushed through the cathedral's front doors at the other end of the bridge. The look in his eyes was oddly determined._

_Atoli folded her hands over her chest and couldn't help but smile. Even though she didn't understand why, the fact that Haseo was here, coming after her, already made her heart feel lighter._

_Soon he stood right in front of her, leaving no way around the fact that he was real. "Atoli," he said, looking her straight in the eye. "Just because Shino is back doesn't mean you've been replaced. Do you understand?"_

_Atoli's eyes opened in surprise, briefly, before she smiled solemnly. The situation dawned on her. He had grown to be so kind, Haseo, to remember her insecurities even now that Shino was back. "Haseo, I'm fine!" she replied, as cheerily as she could. "You don't have to ruin your reunion with Shino to console me. I understand."_

_"__No, you don't," Haseo said, massaging his temples, clearly frustrated with the situation. "Look," he continued, "I'm beyond happy that Shino is conscious and healthy. But… it's like you said yourself. The two of you are nothing alike, and—"_

_"__I know that!" Atoli interrupted, her voice louder than she had meant it to be. Her hands gripped onto each other tighter. "It's obvious, isn't it, Haseo? Of course I can't be like her..." _

_Then Haseo did something that could only be described as uncharacteristic; he grabbed Atoli's shoulders and, to her great surprise, pulled her into a hug, trapping her folded hands in between them. _

_Atoli's eyes widened, the self-pitying part of her mind finally shutting up for long enough to make place for a feeling of utter bliss. The fact that this hug wasn't strictly real, with them being in a video game and everything, seemed to be completely irrelevant in that moment. Haseo wasn't the touchy type—never had she seen him initiate anything of the sort voluntarily— so that he did show affection in this way now must mean he was serious. When Haseo leaned back, a few seconds later, his hands lingered on her shoulders, and his face burned a not so subtle shade of red._

_Chigusa, the player behind Atoli, had felt her heart beating avidly inside her chest by then. _

_Despite his apparent flustration, Haseo managed find his voice again. "So what if you aren't Shino?" he blurted out, picking up on where he had left off earlier. "Who says that's a bad thing?"_

_It was then that he told her, the thing that made her so very happy about that particular day. How he thought she was strong, perhaps not for her prowess in battle, but for her ability to pick herself up again every time things turned sour on her. How he appreciated her positive outlook and cheerful demeanor, even if it was in contrast with how he handled things most of the time. And lastly Haseo admitted, in the reluctant way that boys forced themselves to admit their feelings, that he, he personally, didn't want her to be replaced because he needed her by his side._

_Atoli wouldn't call it a confession per se, but it could've very well been one, had he spoken for just a minute more. Now he looked at her hesitantly, as red as he'd been before. She would've said he looked shy if she hadn't know him better. Atoli took that moment to hug him back, for he had basically given her permission to do that whenever she wanted by hugging her in the first place. When he put his arms around her shoulders in return, she smiled, truly smiled, all worries having left her mind._

_She didn't need to rely on any one person anymore. But it was so, so nice to have somebody regardless._

* * *

_I can't let my stupid insecurities come between us now_. _I have to talk to him._

Chigusa booted up her computer and deliberately put the M2D over her head, the feel of which alone already made her feel more at ease.

That was the problem though, wasn't it? The way she felt so much more at ease as Atoli, playing The World, than she felt inside her own skin? Atoli was the strong one, the happy one, the one with friends. The kind of person Haseo had admitted liking at the Hülle Granz. Not her nobody of a player. The girl who lacked social skills, dressed boringly, and spent a significant amount of time crying into her pillows whenever anything went wrong. And, most disheartening of all, the girl who never met anyone's expectations.

The evidence was right there on her skin, too, showing through the scars on her wrists. She hadn't added any for months, but did that matter? The depressing thing about scars was that, even though they went from red to purple to a faded white, never did they completely disappear.

It wasn't a coincidence that Chigusa's room was devoid of mirrors, either. She didn't like to be reminded of herself, of what she stood for.

It wasn't that Chigusa didn't want to meet Haseo. Because she did, she'd love to get to know him, to see what he was like. She just didn't particularly want him to meet her, for no matter how you looked at it, she was sure to disappoint.

And what if he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, even online, after that? She didn't want to think about it, not now that everything between them was running so smoothly for once.

Chigusa bit her lip. Avoiding him wasn't going to help on that department either. _And what did I just tell myself?_ she scolded internally. _I can't allow my stupid insecurities to sabotage me. I have to at least try._

With that resolve, Chigusa was as ready as she would get to explain to Haseo what she couldn't really explain. Out of habit, she opened her mail before logging into The World. One mail from Haseo immediately caught her attention.

**oOOOo**

Sender: Haseo

Subject: Run off

Why did you run off like that yesterday? If you don't want to meet up you could have said so.

**oOOOo**

Chigusa held her hand up in front of her mouth. _O god_. _He was angry, wasn't he? _

_What am I going to say? _

She closed the window without replying. She then logged into The World, but not before changing her in-game status to 'busy.'

She ought to talk to him. And she would. As soon as she'd figured out what in the world to say.

* * *

"… and now I haven't seen her in three days, Shino. Three days!" Haseo said, pacing back and forward relentlessly.

Shino regarded Haseo calmly over her shoulder from where she sat on the edge of the area. She had listened to the entirety of his explanation—or rant, rather—in polite silence.

"Didn't Atoli mention she had to study?" she said, now that Haseo's story had more or less come to an end.

"That has never stopped her from anything before," Haseo countered. Knowing Atoli, she would more readily fail all her subjects in school than ever give up on The World. "And she's been online too, occasionally, just not replying to my messages."

Automatically, Haseo stopped his pacing to pull up his member address list, which continued to show Atoli's status as 'busy.' In the past three days she'd been either busy or offline, with the consequence that no one could send her in-game Short Mails. That, and his e-mails were met with no reply. All this was in stark contrast with the usual, always online, immediately replying Atoli he'd come to know.

All in all, he was pretty damn sure she was deliberately avoiding him.

If Shino thought anything of his—admittedly close to stalker-like—behavior, she didn't let it on. "Sit down, Haseo," she said, her tone resembling that of a school teacher.

Haseo complied, finally sagging down next to Shino. Shino didn't immediately speak, leaving them to gaze at the church-like structures and the waterfalls that poured down from them as their legs dangled over the far below lake.

Haseo had asked Shino to meet him here, at Arche Koeln Waterfall, hoping she could shed some light on his current situation. He had contemplated asking Kuhn for advice at first, but, then again, Shino was more likely to take him seriously and not start off about 'flirting tips.'

Of course Haseo hadn't been eager to talk to Shino about this particular issue either, seeing as how bad of a crush he'd had on her for the longest time. Talking about awkward.

What helped was that Shino's presence always managed to calm him down. To sit off the edge, gazing at the waterfalls with her… it was almost like they were in the Twilight Brigade again. To make the reminiscence more realistic, even now, Ovan was mysteriously missing.

_Which is probably why Shino looks so goddamn sad,_ Haseo thought bitterly when he shot a sideway glance at the girl. He had known her for too long to believe that that solemn, blank look of hers was one of indifference.

He shouldn't have suggested Arche Koeln Waterfall, of all places. This was where she used to meet Ovan, and after he disappeared, where they waited on him together. Now Ovan had vanished from the face of the earth once again. They couldn't even say for sure whether he was still alive.

_First I upset Atoli, and now I make Shino think about Ovan more than she already does… When did I become so insensitive?_ Haseo thought, annoyed with himself. O_r is it just that I'm only starting to notice now?_

Shino, characteristically, made no mention of Ovan, the area they were in, or any other part of Haseo's insensitivity. Instead, she focused on the matter at hand. She asked, "Do you have any ideas? On what made Atoli so upset?"

The question slowly pulled Haseo back to his original source of distress. _Atoli_. "No. That's why I'm asking you," he replied, leaning his head on his arms in a defeated gesture. When Shino didn't immediately respond, he added, "I mean, I was convinced she'd be happy to meet up, but she clearly thinks otherwise."

"But that wasn't what she said, was it?"

"Nope. But I almost wish it was, I'd rather have a clear answer than whatever this is supposed to mean."

Shino studied his expression for a moment, her lips curving into a bleak, empathetic smile. "Not knowing is the hardest thing, sometimes."

Haseo swallowed, for that comment didn't sound like it was merely about his trouble with Atoli. Shino continued speaking before he could comment on it.

"Something could be holding her back from wanting to meet up, making her second-guess herself," she proposed. "Has she never mentioned anything of the sort?"

Haseo leaned back onto his palms and sighed. Girls could be so unclear in what they actually wanted. It wasn't like Atoli talked a lot about herself, her _offline _self that was. But then there that one email exchange…

"Once, when I brushed the subject in one of our emails, she did mention she would probably bore me if we ever were to meet offline. But that was months ago, and probably more of a formality than anything else."

Shino waited a second before replying. "That, or perhaps it is your answer."

Haseo frowned. "On the off chance that she _might_ bore me offline, she's willing to ignore me for days out here? That's ridiculous." He let out a breath he'd been holding. It was ridiculous, but it also sounded an uncomfortable amount like something Atoli would do.

"Either way. She should know by now that she wouldn't just bore me like that."

"Have you ever told her she wouldn't?"

"What? No. It's not like I would know, offline that is. But why would I even want to meet up with her if I thought she wasn't interesting?"

"Some words can stand to be said out loud every now and again, Haseo. Even if they seem self-evident to you. That, too, is what it means to be truly honest."

"Alright, alright," Haseo said. 'Be honest,' he had heard that one before. He let himself fall backwards until his back hit the ground, enabling him to watch the twilight sky above them. "I will try. If she ever decides to talk to me again, that is."

Shino giggled briefly at that, and said, "I don't think Atoli is the kind of girl who could ignore you forever. Just wait a little bit longer for her to come around." Then she shot Haseo a more serious look. "One thing is clear. You pressuring her is not going to make that point in time come any sooner."

Haseo jerked back a little. So she had caught up on that. He watched the sky above him for a bit, mulling it over. Perhaps sending all those emails hadn't been that good of an idea. Haseo groaned under his breath. He had been so pressed on getting an answer out of Atoli that he scared her off even more, hadn't he?

_That's why I hadn't made a move on Atoli before, Kuhn_, he spoke to himself. _Because I have this innate talent to make her upset_.

Shino hadn't said anything for a while, so Haseo guessed the conversation was over. He pushed himself upright to take a look at her.

Shino's gaze was fixed on the columns of water again, though she couldn't be truly seeing them with that heartbreakingly lifeless look in her eyes. Haseo didn't have to guess what she was thinking about. He sighed and watched with her for a bit, for Shino wasn't the only one who was afraid that Ovan might never return.

* * *

Somewhat off to the side, a slightly nervous Atoli leaned against the wall. She watched the players come and go through the Chaos Gate. It was quite a sight: Breg Epona housed the highest level players, meaning the most exotic armors and the rarest weapons could be spotted here.

Today Atoli wasn't looking for deals on items for Moon Tree, however. In fact, that very afternoon, Kaede had sent her away with a stern look, claiming they had nothing left to do for her at the moment. Atoli hadn't really bought it—Moon Tree was still a shadow of its former and needed all the help it could get, but she had complied regardless. She suspected that Kaede had had enough of her constant sulking around in the Moon Tree guild halls.

Either way, this was probably for the best. Now she was here, waiting for Haseo to teleport either in or out of that gate.

The logical way to contact him would have through email. He would be sure to reply with how much emails he'd been sending him lately. After having hovered her hands over her keyboard for twenty minutes, her mind discarding anything she wanted to type before her muscles had even moved, however… walking into him would have to suffice.

Thankfully Haseo had finally stopped sending _her_ emails. She had a total of eight emails from him sitting in her inbox, most of them unopened, none of them answered. This was in stark contrast with how things normally were, that was, when Atoli usually sent three emails to every one of Haseo's.

_He should come through here eventually, _she thought absentmindedly, as her eyes traced the sea-green shade of a rare helmet.

She was in luck, because not long after, she spotted Haseo from the corner of her eye. He was making a beeline for the Chaos Gate, his brow furrowed into a deep scowl, the kind that showed he was on the verge of snapping at someone, even though he usually stopped himself from doing so nowadays.

Was he irritated at her because she'd been ignoring him for the past few days? For a moment, Atoli played with the idea of keeping quiet and letting him teleport out. She could walk away and leave this talk for when he was in a better mood.

She shook her head slowly as she started moving towards him. _That is ridiculous_, she told herself sternly. _He hasn't even spotted me yet,_ _how could he be angry with me already?_

The keyword selecting screen must be in front of his face, for when she walked over to him he still didn't notice a thing.

"Wait, Haseo!" she quickly said when she was only two steps away from bumping in to him. Now that she'd made up her mind, she wasn't going to let him get away.

Almost no time passed between her utterance and him spinning around towards her.

"Atoli!" he shouted, before actually getting out of the selecting screen. When he managed to do so, he looked at her, dumbstruck, and said, "You're here."

"I'm here," she answered, smiling shyly.

Haseo stared at her for a few more seconds, after which he shot a quick look behind his back. Before Atoli could see what he was looking at, Haseo turned her around and pushed her towards the Chaos Gate with him.

"Come on, meet me at the Hülle Granz Cathedral. Hurry!"

Before she could ask what they were in a hurry for, or say anything at all for that matter, Haseo warped out. Although Atoli felt the curious urge to look back and see what Haseo was trying so desperately to get away from, she decided against it.

She'd left him waiting for long enough.

* * *

Atoli gated into Δ Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground, landing on the bridge next to Haseo. When she faced him, the look on his face was one of relief. He hadn't been sure if she would follow after him, Atoli realized, feeling a pang of guilt stab her in the heart.

Haseo's gaze shifted to watch the platform cautiously after that, but no one else came through. "Thank god," he said. "I think we lost them." He turned around and started walking in the direction of the looming cathedral, gesturing her to come along.

Atoli trailed behind him, wondering why he hadn't started asking questions yet. "Lost who?" she asked instead.

Haseo scowled. "The girls that were following me."

Atoli raised her eyebrows.

Immediately, Haseo jumped to his defense. "Don't give me that look! I'm not like Kuhn." He cleared his throat. "I think they were fans. Either that, or an angry mob in search of my blood. I can never tell the difference with these people."

Despite her nervousness, Atoli couldn't help but laugh at that. Haseo had been an in-game celebrity for as long as she'd known him: first as 'The Terror of Death,' next for being the triple-crowned emperor and recently even more so for his rumored involvement in the Third Network Crisis. Similar rumors circulated about her and the other Epitaph Users, but because most of them hadn't been as notorious as Haseo beforehand, those weren't taken as seriously.

That was probably for the best, because with the lack of official information concerning the Network Crisis, most people assumed Haseo's involvement was in causing it, ironic as that was. And then there was his hacked PC to add more fuel to the fire. People on the forums were either smitten with him, or in constant frustration that CC Corp. hadn't banned him yet.

CC Corp. wouldn't ban him, or any of those who'd actually been involved, for that matter. They were free to continue playing for as long as they pretended that AIDA had never existed and denied that the whole continuity of the net hadn't lain on the shoulders of a few regular players because of CC Corp.'s mistakes.

Or so said the not-quite threat letter that all Epitaph Users, including Atoli, had received from CC Corp.

Atoli could imagine a group of people following Haseo around everywhere he went, finding the mental image somewhat amusing. She asked, "Did all the fame finally get to you?"

Haseo groaned. "Tell me about it. I can't even walk through the Root Towns calmly anymore."

"Ooh, but back in the tournaments you seemed to enjoy the attention."

"I don't remember that," Haseo said quickly, his eyes narrowing.

"Hmmmm?" Atoli didn't break her gaze from him until he eventually did so by rolling his eyes. It was a dismissive gesture, but evens so, she'd won that one. Atoli giggled.

"Sure, whatever," Haseo said. "But back then I was known as a PKK, so all they would do is stare from afar with a sense of respectful fear. Now they're so obnoxiously… friendly." He made a face. "Someday I'll get back to Zelkova for giving me this misleadingly approachable-looking character design."

"Ooh!" Atoli said, disappointment audible in her voice. "But I like it better this way! The colors are so much brighter!"

Haseo shot her a cynical look. "Is that your loyalty to Zelkova speaking or do you _actually_ like it?

"Both!"

"Hmpf."

They had reached the front steps of the cathedral. Instead of entering, Haseo simply pointed at the steps and sat down.

Atoli kneeled down next to him.

"Haseo, may I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

"Why are we at the Hülle Granz right now?" Atoli hoped that it didn't look like she was trying to delay the matter at hand. She was genuinely interested. This place held many memories for her, and even more so for Haseo, so it was kind of a loaded place in that sense.

Haseo looked up at the sky for a second. "It was the quickest one to select, since it's top of my bookmark list."

"Oh, of course," Atoli said, feeling a bit silly. The answer sounded logical enough, considering he had tried to warp quickly. Then again, it wasn't a coincidence either that this area was the first in his bookmark list.

It was the first in hers as well.

Atoli shook her head, looking down at the steps. "I'm sorry. All this is probably not what you wanted to talk about right now."

"Nah," Haseo answered, his tone neutral. "I'm glad we're talking, you know_, at all_."

The guilt hit her again, this time harder. She buried her face in her hands, and just like that, Atoli was crying. "Oh Haseo," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry! I never meant to—"

"Whoa, Atoli." Haseo laid a hand on her shoulder. "Jeez, It's okay! Calm down."

They sat there for a while, with Haseo awkwardly patting Atoli's back while she tried to get her breathing back under control. She'd mostly succeeded in doing so when Haseo spoke again. His voice was soft.

"I guess I was simply… scared that you'd disappear on me."

Atoli gasped. "I would never do that! Never!" She took a shaky breath. "It was just that I... I wasn't sure what to say to you, and then you kept sending me all those emails and you sounded so angry and I felt even worse for not explaining myself sooner…"

Beside her, Haseo muttered something under his breath and planted a palm against his forehead. Atoli looked up, raising an eyebrow, but decided against asking.

Haseo took a deep breath. "Look, let's get this clear. About the whole thing on Friday. It's okay if you don't want to meet up in real life. Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have…" He swallowed. "I'm sorry for pushing you for an answer, alright? Just don't ignore me like that again."

For a moment, Atoli was perplexed at how… considerate Haseo was being today. "It's okay, I forgive you!" Then, more reserved, she added, "I mean, it's me who shouldn't have acted so stupidly in the first place, so I couldn't hold this against you now could I?" She laughed nervously.

"Not going to disagree with you there."

Haseo was about to stand up, but Atoli stopped him by grabbing onto his arm. "Wait, Haseo, there's… there's something else."

Haseo leaned back, his expression one of concern. "What is it?"

Atoli pressed her palms closer together. "It's that I, um, I'd actually love to meet up sometime offline. If you're still up for it, that is."

The concern on his face quickly turned into blatant disbelief. "Wait—what!? Then what the hell was all that fuss about?" When Atoli didn't immediately answer, he took deep breath and added in a more composed tone of voice, "I mean, why the sudden change of mind?"

"I never really had to change my mind. I was actually really happy when you asked to, you know! It's just that then, immediately after…" She put a hand against her neck, squeezed between her collarbone and the underside of her jaw. "I just started to worry about all the little things that could go wrong… And I panicked?"

For a moment, as he stared at her with one eyebrow raised, Atoli was certain that he wasn't going to buy it. He'd be in his right not to. It truly didn't seem like a good enough explanation for running off and avoiding someone for four whole days, but it was all she had.

"Guess I'm taking your word for that," he simply said, to both her surprise and relief. "But please, don't tell me you were afraid I was some kind of creepy old man."

"What? No!" She shrieked, playfully pushing against his shoulder. Then, somewhat under her breath, she added, "You're too much of a stereotypical teenager for that to be true."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He sounded only marginally offended, so Atoli opted to ignore the remark. If she went in on it now, they'd be sitting here arguing half-heartedly until midnight, and she still wouldn't have told the actual truth.

"It's more like… you know" She gestured vaguely with her hands. "People are different online and offline, and what if we don't even get along?"

_Okay, that wasn't the whole truth, but it was as close as she was ever going to get._

Haseo leaned his head on his palm and looked in front of him, contemplating her words for a minute.

"Well, I can't give any guarantees for that one," he admitted. "We won't know for sure until we actually meet, but…" He turned around to face her. "For me at least, I'm pretty much the same offline. I suppose. Besides the obvious things, I mean, I don't really go about threatening people as much in real life, but I hope that one was obvious. And the fact that I can act polite if it's needed—No seriously, stop looking at me like that. If I couldn't, they would have kicked me out of school years ago."

Atoli listened quietly as Haseo volunteered these pieces of information about his life.

Haseo shrugged his shoulders. "And I can't imagine you being that different either, am I right?"

It was meant as a reassurance, but it only served to remind her of why she was so nervous about this whole thing in the first place. "Haha, yeah," she lied, laughing only half-heartedly. "I'm sure it will be fine! It was silly of me to worry that much."

"Well. It's in the past. I look forward to meeting you. But for now..." Haseo got up onto his legs and stretched out his hand towards her, his mouth loosening into a weak grin.

Atoli tilted her head, the expression on her face quizzical. She nevertheless took his hand and let him pull her up.

"Let's leave the details for later. Wanna go see what's going on with Canard for now? Silabus and Gaspard are worried about you for not stopping by. If we can allude any potential fan-mob long enough to get there, that is."

Atoli nodded, glad for the offer. They started walking in the direction of the portal, their hands still interlocked.

No part of running from a mob of rabid fans sounded particularly enjoyable, and she still hadn't stopped worrying about the whole meeting thing, but for the moment, Atoli couldn't help herself from smiling.

* * *

**oOOOo**

Sender: Haseo

Subject: Time and place

So… when and where did you want to meet up?

**oOOOo**

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks to all you kind souls who left reviews and/or favs on the previous chapter, I loved seeing them! I'm glad there's still some interest in a fic like this, even if the fandom is mostly dead. That being said, tune in next chapter to see how our slightly dysfunctional couple handles meeting in real life (hint: it's not that well).


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